Can You Care About Your Aesthetics AND Have A Healthy Relationship With Food?

Ahhh, this question! It has led to quite the heated debates on the interwebs, and after much (years) of internal critical thinking, research, and unpacking of my own biases and past experiences, I believe the answer is YES!

This is 💯 perfectly acceptable AND possible!

It’s OK to want to look a certain way—we’re hardwired to care about this, and we’re expressing ourselves via our appearances ALL THE TIME!

However, before blindly following what everyone else is doing and tells you to do, consider…

✔️Digging into WHY you want to make these changes. Personal preference? Solely external influence? Shame or embarrassment? Performance?

✔️Do you accept yourself & your body fully NOW? If not, then making changes solely driven by appearance may not be the best move.

✔️Is your goal actually in alignment with your lifestyle, food & exercise preferences, and genetics? If not, then it’s likely not worth it.

✔️Do you have a solid, positive relationship with food & exercise, where they’re empowering and enjoyable? If not, nail that down first.

✔️Are you treating yourself with respect and compassion TODAY? If not, focus on that first.

✔️Whose opinions do you *actually* care about? The list should be REALLY fucking small, with yours at the top. And those people should care about how you treat yourself, not your appearance.

✔️ Are you fulfilled in other areas of your life, like relationships? If not, start there to ensure you're not using your body as a scapegoat.

A HUGE portion of what you’re targeting aesthetically will come naturally by treating yourself like you give a shit about yourself. 

From there, ask yourself if the rest is actually worth it to you!

This stuff is highly nuanced, so I highly recommend avoiding anyone who gives you a blanket, black & white response to this topic.

I always support my FFE ladies in whatever THEY want for themselves & their bodies, and I suggest you find a coach who does the same👏🏻

If you're struggling with consistently moving that body of yours...

Let’s do a compete reframe with movement & exercise.

This is especially needed if you find yourself struggling with…

Being consistent. 

An all-or-nothing mentality.

In these cases, there is a fundamental lack of *true* respect for our bodies, and we’re MUCH too focused on the surface level bullshit.

No judgment, btw, as I’ve been sitting squarely in each category!🙋🏻‍♀️

The solution?

Consider the worst case scenario with your body—[this has to be something that would severely limit your ability to move to the extent you’re capable of today].

Sounds dark, but stay with me!🙃

For me, I’ve always feared becoming paralyzed and not having the ability to use my legs.

Whenever I find myself wanting to take the escalator, elevator, a short uber ride, or go to the gym, I imagine what it would feel like to *NOT* have the privilege of movement.

Because that’s exactly what it is: a privilege.

This doesn’t mean you that you go overboard with excessive exercise either, because that’s demonstrating a lack of respect for your body, too.

Start viewing your body as a gift for YOU to live this beautiful life in rather than a greeting card for others to look at & watch your relationship with exercise transform.

How are you respecting your body with movement today?

If you don’t want to be standing in the exact same spot with food one year from now…

Then you have to stop seeking short-term gratification.

I know, I know—it feels so damn good (now) to watch the changes occur rapidly & to succumb to every whim!

But how has that worked for you thus far?

I’m guessing not well, or you wouldn’t be here😜

While *patience* may not be the sexiest word on the planet, it’s a HUGE sign of maturity. And it’s a requirement for a long-lasting, healthy relationship with food!

You have to be willing to sacrifice your desire for quick endorphin hits for deep & sustainable health—mentally & physically.

Make no mistake! If you’re consistently…

• Bouncing around from one extreme to the other (all-or-nothing)

• Obsessed with your tightly controlled & miserable routine.

• Eating a bunch of shit that doesn’t serve you all the time (YOLO)

• Refusing to look at your emotional state & are seeking escape.

• Focusing on your appearance at the expense of your mental & physical health…

You’re sacrificing your future self.

You’re letting your ego or monkey brain run the show instead of the real-mature-evolved-deeply-knowing you make the decisions.

What does patience (& maturity) look like?

• Developing a positive relationship with food BEFORE pursuing aesthetic goals.

• Learning skills to navigate discomfort outside of food, exercise & manipulating your body.

• Taking the time to understand WHY you interact with food & your body the way you do.

• Prioritizing physical health over aesthetic goals.

• Taking the time to learn about your own body, preferences, & goals rather than blindly following everyone else’s.

These outcomes are what everyone wants, but very few are willing to put in the work. To sacrifice child-like temptations (I get them too, big time!).

But I promise you—you’ll be SO DAMN HAPPY, PROUD, & EMPOWERED when you do!

A Statement From My Dad That Left Me SHOOK

“Your body is one of your greatest tools. Have fun with it!”

• Bill Golden, my dad

I was discussing my work with him a couple weeks ago, and as we mulled over body image, he candidly made the statement above.

It stopped me dead in my tracks.

So simple, yet so profound.

Also the perspective of someone who’s never struggled with any body image hang-ups.

Rain or shine, 20 lbs. up or down, he shows up as the exact same person.

He’s had goals to gain or lose weight as HE sees fit, but he’s never allowed any iteration of his body to deter him from showing up in this world.

We can discuss the differences in pressure that women are subjected to versus men, sure. Although men are absolutely not immune to similar pressures and side effects.

However, I believe it’s really important to seek the perspectives of those who *don’t* have body image hang-ups.

Engage in these discussions, seek alternative view-points, and get out of your own head.

You may be surprised at how differently you view the world and—just maybe—that beautiful vessel you’re experiencing this world in.

Now, let’s go have some fun with these bodies of ours, shall we?

You can find me playing in nature, in the gym, or in yoga class with mine!

What about you?

You SHOULD Step On the Scale!

Asking you to step on the scale is an unusual statement from someone who wants you to lessen your obsession with food, right?

Here's the deal.

The more you avoid the scale and refuse to look at the number on it, the more power it has over you.

It's akin to keeping your favorite foods out of the house.

Sure, you're in control in those circumstances, but what happens when you're around them? My guess is the scale or the food, because you haven't developed the SKILL--via practice--of managing your emotional responses to them.😣

I do fully appreciate and often support the images of women destroying their scales and tossing them into the garbage. It can be therapeutic AF! The feeling of severing a toxic relationship is 👏🏻 powerful! 👏🏻

However, I don’t believe it’s empowering in the long run.

Do you really want that number to have the power to control your mood and how you feel about yourself?

I sure don’t—which is why I made it a point to weigh myself.

In fact, I own a scale.

I haven’t stepped on it in I-don’t-know-how-long, but it served as a powerful tool for me to CHALLENGE my fear along my journey.

I didn’t want to go through life being afraid of (controlled) by that number, and I couldn't actually live a life of freedom if I was afraid of my own body's gravitational pull.

When I felt as though I gained weight, I made myself step on it and sit with the number. Sit with the potential discomfort.

Guess what happened?

💥Over time, my emotional attachment to the result lessened, and it’s now just a number!💥

I don’t hide from the results at the doctor’s office, and I don’t let it dictate how I feel about myself.

Think of your relationship with the scale like your relationship with someone who screwed you over in life.

At first, the distance is healing while you sort through your emotions. Over time, however, you want to be able to see that person and not be triggered, right?? Not for them, but for YOU!

The same goes for the scale.

This isn’t to say that your weight is relevant or useful in any way, as it’s often not! However, you have the ability to change the narrative.

Staring at that number without emotional attachment is a sure way to ensure you gain your power back.💃

Feel Like You're Wrong with Any Move You Make with Food & Your Body?

Girl, I feel you!

The health & wellness industry has always been divisive, but it feels particularly edgy at the moment.

Women feel so conflicted, confused, and many are experiencing a lot of SHAME over any desires they have for themselves.

• Eating donuts? That’s unhealthy, shame.

• Eating salads? That’s restrictive, shame.

• Wanting to gain muscle? That’s not “feminine”, shame.

• Wanting to lose weight? You must not love yourself, shame.

I’m all for having differing opinions, but shaming over how someone treats their OWN body is taking it too far.

As per usual, we’re losing sight of what really matters & are tossing nuance out the window.

The ultimate goal for my clients is for them to really give AF about how they’re treating themselves (in order)…

1. Internally—relationship with food, internal chatter & mental health.

2. Physically—making choices in alignment with high self-worth & self-respect, whatever that looks like.

3. Other goals—aesthetic or performance.

If someone has the first two down pat, then by all means, proceed with the third!

The problem arises when we place the third above the other two, and that’s EXACTLY where most of my clients are.

Caring more about the way their body looks to others than how they’re treating themselves—mind, body, soul.

I used to be there too! And it’s a problem.

The issue isn’t the desire to lose weight, it’s the intention behind it. It’s placing it higher than your mental and physical well-being. It’s believing your happiness & self-worth lies on the other side.

Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

That’s an inside job, sisters.

Do the work of up-leveling your sense of self-worth and treating yourself accordingly FIRST, and the rest falls into place.

So You Overdid it This Weekend? This Is What You Should Do!

So you overdid it with food or booze & feel like shit?

Your mind might be swirling with thoughts of guilt, shame, and how you’re going to undo the damage.

That’s coming from a place of pure FEAR.

And low self-worth!

Instead of shaming yourself into change and feeling better, let’s flip the script!

Ask yourself:

✨“How can I support myself—mind, body, soul—in this moment?”✨

That might look like:

• Eating foods that are nourishing and easy to digest when you feel physical hunger.

• Engaging in light activity to get your body moving.

• Drinking water and replenishing electrolytes (NUUN tablets are a fave of mine!)

• Deep breathing or meditation to calm your nervous system (especially true after drinking alcohol).

• Writing down everything your body is doing to support YOU in this moment. It’s likely working on overdrive, so it deserves serious kudos!

• Engaging in self-care activities, like creative pursuits or time with loved ones.

See the difference?

Choices rooted in respecting & supporting yourself will create a positive feedback loop—leading to better decisions in the future.

Not to mention, the process is a hell of a lot more enjoyable when you actually act like you give a damn about yourself along the way!

What are you doing to support yourself today?